The book ‘Psychology of heartbreak’ is currently published in Dutch.

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Description of the book

Heartbreak is inevitable. As soon as we attach to something or someone that is important to us, we risk breaking our hearts. We often talk about heartbreak in a romantic context, but our hearts can also break as a result of other losses, like the death of an important person, the loss of a promise for another life, the loss of a pet or a job. Giving ourselves time to grief is paramount. When we next learn how to transform our pain into personal development, our love for life increases, which makes it possible again to face life with an open heart.

Loving our existence when we are forced to go into another direction that we had planned, is an enormous task. It asks from us that we develop ourselves psychologically to reconcile with our fate and the pain that we have to deal with. The psychological tasks that will help us heal are described in this book.

Healing from heartbreak is no easy task. Heartbreak is a painful experience that affects us deeply. Healing requires that we stand still amidst of the experience and that we develop a genuine interest for ourselves. What are the processes that are prompted in us on a physical, mental and emotional level? In order to move on, we have to come to terms with our heartbreak and it is necessary to mourn our losses and give ourselves enough time to grief.

When we guide ourselves through our grief, it is helpful to observe what is going on inside of us. The way we experience our pain, our reaction to pain and the way we guide ourselves, can provide us with new insights in who we are. If we recognise where we ourselves are responsible (yet not guilty) for our suffering and our healing, we have the potential to learn about ourselves.

Guiding ourselves through a painful experience requires self-compassion. Often we are involuntarily harsh towards ourselves or we act as if we are indifferent to our own suffering. Healing is possible when we learn to react with compassion to ourselves in times of suffering and when we allow ourselves to develop a post-heartbreak identity that is more versatile and has a deeper understanding of life.

To get here, we often have to go further than we would have gone by ourselves. We have to develop new skills, adopt new perspectives and test our capacity. The result is hopeful. We gain strength, new possibilities arise in our lives and foremost: We learn to experience a deeper sense of love for ourselves and for others.



We forget as heartbreak carries a vault of deep pain and suffering, it also carries within it the seeds for transformation. It implores us to embark upon a journey arising from the transmutation of a broken heart.

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Breaking away from the inner narcissistic dynamics we carry within ourselves, opens up new ways of being. We make space for our authentic and creative being to come through. We open up for love.

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The many heartbreaks on my path have taught me about life and love, and along the way they have helped me to open my heart.

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